The Rising Action (or Lack Thereof).

Now that the cat's outta the bag, and I've exposed myself here...

I'll get right to it.  I'll bring it, so to speak, and talk openly about SEX post-marriage, post-baby.  From my very own viewpoint, no less.

                                                                                                             jabberpics

So, here it is... the rising action.  Although, if I'm being frank, there's a whole lotta rising and very little action to speak thereof.

Ya catch my drift?

That's right.  I don't want to have sex!  In fact...

My libido has flatlined, and it has nothing to do with performance or love-n-desire or just about anything you might imagine?!

Really, it's all psychological.  In my mind, I've made sex "dirty," and I don't know if it's long-stemming from my childhood (because I didn't see outward showings of my parents' love for one another), or if it's got to do with all my "silly" self-loathing, my lack of self-worth?

Basically, I don't feel attractive or "sexy," and my confidence is shot. But, my husband doesn't mind if I'm soft 'round the middle!

So, I kindly ask:

• WHY all the sex hang-ups?

Go figure, my only conclusion is FEAR.

Honestly, I'm afraid to let the control go.  I'm terrified of living up to the now-you're-married-so-you-don't-have-sex cliché.  I'm even more scared of growing old and growing unattractive in my husband's eye.

But it's IRONIC, because...

To be continued...

A Blog Exposition.

I decided I would open a can o' worms today.

So, it's best I clearly state my intentions and start at the beginning.

WARNING:

1. Don't get your hopes up too high, and please...
2. Bear with me in my moments of indecisive, "should-I-really-go-there" prose, because it could get hairy!

Oh, and...

Dear Dad,

If you are in fact reading this, you may want to consider accomplishing another computer task... I know you have one! For instance, you could bank online, enjoy a few carefree google searches, or "poke" your closest facebook chums. 

Better yet, Pops, get on those taxes.  Uncle Sam is a' callin'.

Love,  

Gillian 

Now, where was I?  Oh, that's right... the BEGINNING.

Before I delve in (and name my initial topic, which in turn opened one said "can o' worms" ), I must first share a few facts about myself, so as to better relate.  Let's call it my blog exposition.

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I am...

• A child of DIVORCE.
• Struggling to understand the institution of marriage, intimacy (without sex), and healthy communication, etc.
• Grappling with the societal expectations of being a mother, and how that can unfairly redefine one's sexuality.
• AFRAID OF VULNERABILITY!

With that all said and done, I want to talk about SEX...

Namely, sexuality post-marriage, post-baby.

Or, in my circumstance, post-baby then post-marriage.  HA!

Photos by Jabberpics

And I'm not afraid or embarrassed... anymore.  Honesty, regardless of its ensuing criticism or unflattering opinions, is our greatest asset.  In the end, it's all we have (aside from our stories).

So...

Stay-tuned for the rising action of this momma's G-RATED sex story.