I Will Breathe, Most Important!

In something less than fifty-four hours, I shall courageously make my way to the hospital to deliver my first born.  I am experiencing a slew of emotions, which both occupy and frighten me totally!  The mechanics of motherhood -- the many joys, the salty tears, and sleepless nights are something I can only imagine.  I haven't a justified opinion at this point and curiously, I wonder if I'll be adequate? 

I'm most worried about my Type A personality.  I've accrued advice from many more wise and have been advised to take many deep breaths.  I've been told that a child doesn't fret when there are dirty dishes in the sink or judge harshly for neat splashes of liquid paper in their baby book, but the fastidious itch for perfection I feel troubles me all the same!  I don't want to smother or inhibit my child's creative impulses because I'm too anal to cope... too terrified to make a mess... too uptight to let go and laugh.  I suppose the best way to deal with this insecurity is to acknowledge it, as I've just managed to do, and purposefully train myself to embrace the chaos parenthood beautifully offers, jagged edges and all.

Over the course of my pregnancy, I have tried, with open eyes and an open mind, to experience the "experience" without forcing myself to feel any one given way.  Rather, I have sought to form an honest opinion of what has proven to be far more difficult, arduous, consuming, overwhelming, underwhelming, and great... Simply put, I am amazed completely!  I have now, a perspective of pregnancy and I humbly respect the delicate chain of variables vast that relevantly come to play as the minutes pass and the little, beating heart, thankfully, grows stronger.

I will breathe, most important!  I shall find strength in breath.